


My Moose That Lives In Canada

by Fayah



Series: AoKuro Shorts [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M, i am sorry to all canadians, post-canon in a vague timeline where they are all playing basketball in america, this is 100 percent crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fayah/pseuds/Fayah
Summary: Aomine and Kuroko are moose hunting. In Canada.
Relationships: Aomine Daiki/Kuroko Tetsuya
Series: AoKuro Shorts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/30077
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	My Moose That Lives In Canada

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is unrepentant crack I wrote 7 years ago, promptly forgot about, found vague references to in a journal 7 years later and thought was a crazy fever dream until I checked my tumblr and realized yes I did actually write a FULL FIC for the concept of "aomine and kuroko go to Canada to find a moose"
> 
> I can't even with myself. I'm publishing this just to call out 7-years-ago me. Everyone please be amazed at the AUDACITY of past me. I am now repentant. Also I deeply apologize to all Canadians

The thing about spring in Canada was that it was absolutely fucking freezing. It was as if the weather had some bitter grudge against their ill-suited jerseys that held up well enough for Japan’s chilly winters but proved to be tissue paper against the piercing northern wind.

It didn’t help that Aomine was pedaling head first into the wind with energy he really shouldn’t have after playing against America’s best just hours ago. Kuroko, who was crouching behind Aomine’s broad shoulders as a makeshift windbreaker, could already feel his legs aching from the abuse.

As admirable as Aomine’s determination was when his one-track mind was set to something other than basketball, this latest endeavor was a bit too much even by Aomine’s standards. But leaving him alone would be worse, so Kuroko clenched his jaw and held on.

* * *

“Hey Tetsu, how far away is Canada anyways?” Aomine huffed, not slowing his pace at the slightest.

And this was why, Kuroko thought to himself, he should have never have let Aomine and Kagami get into a betting match about anything other than basketball. Though not even he could have predicted that Aomine would _actually_ bike to Canada just to prove to Kagami that he could find a moose before they left back to Japan. Apparently, the years had not tempered Aomine’s competitive streak at all.

“We should already be in Canada, Aomine-kun,” Kuroko replied. “We passed border patrol a while ago.”

  
  
“Oh? So that’s what that was?” Aomine glanced backwards, looking for the distant shape of the checkpoint that they had breezed through without a glance. “Man they suck, they didn’t even notice us.”

“Misdirection,” Kuroko pointed out. By now, Kuroko is sure the coach would have had to bail Aomine out of jail for causing a ruckus if he had not come along, and that…may or may not have been less troublesome than their current misadventure.

Aomine simply laughed. “Tetsu is really amazing, huh?” 

Despite himself, Kuroko found himself smiling.

“But hey, Tetsu, if we’re in Canada already, where are all the moose? There’s supposed to be a lot of them here, right?”

And just as quickly as it came, it disappeared at the mention of their ridiculous mission objective.

“Not on the roads, Aomine-kun.” Kuroko said, already regretting those words the moment they escaped his lips, but he figured the sooner they settled this so called bet, the better.

“How ‘bout a forest, then?” Aomine’s eyes fixated on a nearby nature trail, and the tone in his voice made it obvious that he had his mind set on their new destination already. Kuroko sighed and merely gripped Aomine tighter as he braced for a much bumpier ride.

* * *

Aomine’s reasons for bringing Kuroko along were two-fold. Besides the fact that Kuroko was the only one who would ever accompany him on such a journey in the first place, Aomine swore that Kuroko was like some kind of magical animal bait despite his usual low presence.

He wasn’t so sure what a moose ate; Kagami had vaguely mentioned something about something called “maple syrup” being popular in Canada, but what the fuck was “maple syrup” and where would he find some anyways? It would be much easier to bring something, or _someone_ in this case, that he knew would work. The fact remained that he had yet to meet an animal that didn’t fawn over Kuroko. Even Kise, who was practically a puppy in all but appearance, fell to the Kuroko’s Snow White effect within a month.

He totally had this bet secured.

…or at least, that’s what Aomine thought until he finally noticed that the weight on his back had grown significantly lighter.

  
_Shit_.

“Tetsu?!”

“Aomine-kun.”

Aomine whipped around almost instantly to the source of the voice.

“Te…tsu?” He repeated.

“I found the moose,” Kuroko deadpanned, surprisingly composed for someone who was currently riding on a moose bigger than him. The moose somehow didn’t even seem to notice the extra weight on his back, casually grazing on a nearby plant.

“How did you—When--Tetsu, you’re fucking amazing!“

“Flattery won’t get you out of your promise to buy me milkshakes for a year, Aomine-kun,” Kuroko replied, but once again, he found himself smiling.

Aomine laughed away the metaphorical dying wail of his wallet and snaps open his phone to take a picture instead. “All right, the look on that idiot’s face will so be worth it, though. Tetsu, say chee-“

Just as the flash for his camera phone went off, the moose _jolted_. It was by sheer luck that Kuroko managed to hold on for dear life.

“Oh shit, Tetsu! Damn you, get back here! Do you think you can outrun me? Is that a challenge you bastard?! OIIIII!”

* * *

For all his yelling, Aomine only managed to alarm the moose to running faster, much to Kuroko’s frustration. The chase had lasted over ten minutes, like a sprint turned into an all out long distance run, and it was a miracle that Kuroko somehow found the strength to stay on the moose through it’s jumps and turns.

He was going to buy the largest size of milkshakes at Maji burger, Kuroko decided viciously to himself as he survived yet another turn.

But fortunately, the moose was slowing down, and so was Aomine. They were both at their limits. Kuroko considered it a godsend when, at the next clearing, the moose finally gave in and collapsed with the burden of the extra weight on its back.

At this point, Aomine caught up, huffing and out of breath, but still with enough energy to dismount his bike and pose triumphantly over the moose, letting out a triumphant “ _ha_ ,” before collapsing on it himself from exhaustion.

Kuroko carefully dismounted, finding a better location next to the resting moose where the wind was optimally blocked by its large furry bulk. “Congratulations,” He said dryly.

“I’m…the best…aren’t I?” Aomine huffed out between his panting.

“Yes, the best at getting us completely lost in Canada,” Kuroko replied with no little amount of disapproval.

“…Oh…”

“Oh?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have a plan for this, would you, Tetsu?” Aomine looked at him with the most sheepish look that only made Kuroko want to punch him if not for a complete lack of energy.

“You’ll buy my basketballs for the next year as well.”

At this point, Aomine’s wallet was even beyond dead. “Done.”

Kuroko sighed. “I’ll call Kagami-kun, then.”

* * *

“Think he’ll come?” Aomine asked.

Kuroko didn’t even spare a glance and instead absently brushed a hand through the moose’s warm fur. “I believe in Kagami-kun,” he replied without hesitation. 

“Oh?” Aomine descended, arms outstretched, upon Kuroko from behind and clung to him like a sloth, enveloping the smaller body almost completely in a full-body hug. He rested his chin on a nearby shoulder. “Are you trying to make me jealous, Tetsu?”

Kuroko turned, face almost right in front of Aomine. “Is it working?"

Aomine catches Kuroko's lips with his own, pressing in for an impromptu kiss against cold lips. "Nah, Kagami doesn't even has a chance."

They wouldn't be cold for long.

* * *

Extra:

"Think we can keep him?" Aomine asked.

"Not even misdirection could sneak a moose onto an airplane, Aomine-kun."

"How about a boa- _ow_! okay okay. Can we at least name him?"

"Sangou."

"Tetsu, your naming skills _suck_."

"I'll name it Ahomine, then."

"Oi Tetsu, you bastard!"

"Aomine-kun, please don't teach Ahomine-kun bad words."


End file.
